Dear esteemed Financial Committee,
You will have no doubt heard of the unfortunate incidents that unfolded during our recent thematic paintball war. While our institution, PebbleCreek Community College, has a well-earned reputation for imaginative learning methods, it is perhaps fair to say that last week’s Medieval Castle War took things a touch too far. Or so it seems from the glass shards currently littering our formerly picturesque study area.
The critical situation at hand involves the stair balustrade. Who would have thought that the majestic sight of paint-splattered warriors charging up and down would result in such a casualty? I assure you that when I advised our students to seize their metaphorical castles, I did not expect them to take the statement quite so literally.
An unforeseen side-effect of these medieval shenanigans was that our infamous study group, or as they prefer to be known, the “Not-So-Silent Seven,” bore the brunt of this calamity. As I pen this appeal, I can almost still hear the resonating crash as Tony ‘the Unpredictable’ Barnes took a tumble into the balustrade, his armour proving no match for the sturdy glass structure.
In the spirit of transparency (pun entirely intended), the full restoration of our noble stair balustrade will require a significant, albeit necessary, investment. I believe this mishap presents us with a unique opportunity to upgrade our facilities, making them more robust, resilient, and resistant to errant paintballs and over-enthusiastic community college students.
To address this urgent matter, I have reached out to various glass repair companies near Melbourne. Their feedback and quotes have been promising. They’ve assured me they can not only replace our damaged balustrade but improve upon its former glory. Think of it as a metaphorical phoenix, rising from the shattered glass ashes to new heights of aesthetic and functional success.
Thank you for considering this urgent appeal. I promise to be more vigilant in the future and ensure that our academic battles remain purely metaphorical. Your prompt attention and assistance in securing the necessary funding for these vital repairs is most appreciated.
Yours sincerely,
Greg Feltoff.
Dean, PebbleCreek Community College.